The hilarious things the children I teach have said.

Posts tagged ‘child’

Chivalry at its best

Today, a boy, all of six years of age, held a door open for me. At my school we have ‘First Class Friend’ tickets that are handed out to children who are being ‘First Class Friends’. They can be handed out to children who are being helpful, showing good manners, showing kindness, showing a positive attitude, playing fairly and a few other things. 

I wrote one for the boy who held the door open for me. While I was writing it, he said, 

“You know I didn’t do it because I like you. I did it because my Dad said you should always do that for ladies.”

At least he called me a lady… 

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This one was my mistake…

While handing out work the children had displayed in the classroom, I became a little frustrated that children are still NOT writing their names on their work. To find out who owns what, I’ve usually got to read some of their writing, or have them look at their work to identify it. 

The particular sheet I was handing back to the children was entitled ‘If I had a fairy godmother, I would…’. Most of the children wished for more wishes, to be rich, to meet famous cricketers or to own the Gold Coast Suns. One child, however, has a very sweet tooth and wished for a train made of chocolate. To find out who might own this particular sheet, I yell out (without putting much thought into it at all…)

“Who wants a train made of chocolate?”

I’ve never got their attention so quick in my life! 

“MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I STILL DON’T KNOW WHO OWNS THE SHEET.

Wouldn’t be without them, would you?

Today, we talked about making a ‘Wanted’ poster for the Big Bad Wolf in Little Red Riding Hood. We talked about what sort of information we could put on the poster. One child suggested that we should tell people what to do if they see the Big Bad Wolf. I suggested that perhaps a phone number would be important. One child shot her hand in the air, and exclaimed, 

“RACQ, Mum said she wouldn’t be without them!”

To understand, if you are not in Australia, watch this link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRdZBYbom-Q. RACQ basically provides roadside assistance, changes tyres and gives you new batteries if you are in a spot of bother. About ten years ago they had a jingle (which is now their slogan) which sung, ‘Wouldn’t be without them, would you?’ 

This child has been taught well. 

For the love of…

Today, we had a drill for a fire evacuation and a lockdown. A lockdown is when we stay indoors and under desks due to a threat outside. This was the first time I had done the drill with my class. We had a big talk about it being a practice and not to worry about a thing. I explained the expectations and rules for a lockdown too. Once the children were nestled under their desks, I hear,

“Is this a real lockdown?”

I answered, ‘No, remember it’s just pretend.’ A few seconds later, 

“Is a practice?”

Again, I reminded them, “Yes, it’s just a practice, it’s not real and there’s nothing to worry about.” I then heard from under a desk somewhere, 

“Is this a proper lockdown?”

Before I could answer, I heard, very loudly,  

“FOR THE LOVE OF…! DON’T YOU PEOPLE LISTEN? GOSH, STOP ASKING THE SAME QUESTION! IT’S A DRILL, A PRACTICE, A REHEARSAL! THAT MEANS IT IS NOT, N-O-T REAL!!!!!!!!!!!”

I still don’t know who yelled it because I was also in my lockdown area, sitting on the floor under the windows of the classroom doors. I did giggle in a serious situation, though! 

If I had a Fairy Godmother…

We are doing lots of work on fairy tales in my class at the moment. This week, we read Cinderella. We talked about what we would do if we met had a Fairy Godmother. I asked one girl what she would do if she had a Fairy Godmother. She said,

“I would wish for her to wave her wand, and make you a prince charming and lots of babies to have with him. You won’t meet a prince charming without my wish, Miss Rainbow!”

Gee, thanks, kid. 

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The best ‘Knock, Knock’ Joke you’ve ever heard

For ‘Show and Tell’, a boy got up with what he claimed to be the best ‘Knock, Knock’ joke we’ve ever heard.

Now, I should point out that, developmentally, children do try to engage with humour at all ages, but to successfully tell a joke in its proper form happens at about age ten. I’m teaching six and seven year olds. Sure makes for an interesting time! 

Usually, our ‘Show and Tell’ time consists of a child trying to tell a joke, me understanding the odd one, laughing at the odd one and the rest of the class laughing if I laugh. If I have a small chuckle, they had a small chuckle. If I didn’t laugh much, they didn’t laugh at all. Occasionally, the children sat there and said, ‘I don’t get it.’

Boy: “Knock, knock!”

Class: “Who’s there?”

Boy: “Lettuce!”

Class: “Lettuce, who?”

Boy: “Tomato!”

Class: “Tomato, who?”

Boy: “Cucumber!”

Class: “Cucumber, who?”

Girl in audience: “Aren’t you just listing ingredients for salad?”

Boy: “I did it wrong…”

Definitely the best ‘Knock, Knock’ joke I’ve heard from a child!

Family stories

One girl I teach regularly shares stories about her family. One day, she told me all about her cousin who has a girlfriend. She then looked at me, with her big, brown eyes and said, ‘but my cousin who has a girlfriend, is a GIRRRRL’. I politely said, ‘Oh, okay then, sweetheart, that is okay as long as they are happy.’ She then said,

“Well, I’m sure NOT happy when they decide to do marry kisses in front of me!”

I actually had no words. Many tears of laughter, but no words.

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