The hilarious things the children I teach have said.

Archive for April, 2014

Lord Farquaad

I’m not sure if any of your remember this famous Lord. He starred in Shrek. He was the character Fiona was meant to fallen love with, but really wasn’t that endearing.

At school, we are talking about fairy tales. We listed all kinds of fairy tales, and, naturally, Shrek came up. We then discussed what happens in a fairy tale (someone finds a shoe, an evil queen is mean to someone, usually happens in three’s and the princess falls in love with a prince). Someone recalled that Fiona, in Shrek, did not fall in love with a prince or the person she was meant fall in love with. Some of the children discussed how he was ‘mean’. One boy, was a bit more, well, colourful with his description,

“Lord Farquaad was a prick.”


Short and sweet. Just as it was.


The King of Pop

Sometimes, kids ask you really random questions and you have no idea where it all comes from. 

Today I was asked, 

“Miss Rainbow, when did you meet Michael Jackson?”

Never have, never said I have. Don’t even think I’ve said his name in the classroom… 

Heart breaking…

This afternoon, as the children said good bye to me (they say, ‘Good afternoon and God Bless you, MRS Rainbow’) I smiled to myself; they still can’t get this MISS thing right. One girl asks, ‘Why are they still calling you MRS Rainbow? You’re not MRS, it’s Miss!’ I said I understood but it’s a tricky thing to get right. The girl then said, ‘You’re not married, yet, though!’ One child then joins in, 

“Yeah, you’re not married because you haven’t met a prince charming. Maybe you’ll never meet him and you’ll be Miss Rainbow forever.”

Gee, thanks, kid. 

The best ‘Knock, Knock’ Joke you’ve ever heard

For ‘Show and Tell’, a boy got up with what he claimed to be the best ‘Knock, Knock’ joke we’ve ever heard.

Now, I should point out that, developmentally, children do try to engage with humour at all ages, but to successfully tell a joke in its proper form happens at about age ten. I’m teaching six and seven year olds. Sure makes for an interesting time! 

Usually, our ‘Show and Tell’ time consists of a child trying to tell a joke, me understanding the odd one, laughing at the odd one and the rest of the class laughing if I laugh. If I have a small chuckle, they had a small chuckle. If I didn’t laugh much, they didn’t laugh at all. Occasionally, the children sat there and said, ‘I don’t get it.’

Boy: “Knock, knock!”

Class: “Who’s there?”

Boy: “Lettuce!”

Class: “Lettuce, who?”

Boy: “Tomato!”

Class: “Tomato, who?”

Boy: “Cucumber!”

Class: “Cucumber, who?”

Girl in audience: “Aren’t you just listing ingredients for salad?”

Boy: “I did it wrong…”

Definitely the best ‘Knock, Knock’ joke I’ve heard from a child!

Oh dear

Today we were all in a bit of a silly mood. The kids were getting the giggles and we talked about crazy things that could happen. Then, one boy who is usually quite reserved and quiet, walked up to me and loudly said,

“I’ve known that two plus five equals seven since I was a kid!”

I kindly said, ‘You are a kid!’ Only to hear him say, 

“Oh dear…”

As he put his hand on his forehead. Poor little guy!

Just like Jesus!

We read Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs today. At the end, in the particular version we read, Snow White simply spat out the bit of poisoned apple and rose from her glass coffin. As we read this part of the story, one child exclaims, 

“She’s just like Jesus!”

No words. 

Family stories

One girl I teach regularly shares stories about her family. One day, she told me all about her cousin who has a girlfriend. She then looked at me, with her big, brown eyes and said, ‘but my cousin who has a girlfriend, is a GIRRRRL’. I politely said, ‘Oh, okay then, sweetheart, that is okay as long as they are happy.’ She then said,

“Well, I’m sure NOT happy when they decide to do marry kisses in front of me!”

I actually had no words. Many tears of laughter, but no words.

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